Why I can't...

I can't do cry-it-out or any form of it with L.  Yes, we still struggle to get enough sleep around here, L comes into our bed every night, nurses multiple times throughout the night, and gets worn down by D at night.  But I can't believe that when L cries it isn't him communicating that he needs something- usually me.  And because I believe this, I can't ignore his cries.  I fear doing so will teach him that his communication is useless and wont be heard.  I don't want him to ever stop crying if he is still in need.  I know that sounds crazy, and at moments I feel on the brink of be willing to do anything to get him to calm down- but thats my stuff, not his.  L shouldn't have to put up with me being burnt out just yet- he is still a baby, and needs to be nurtured not hardened.

But just because I can't do it, doesn't mean I don't struggle with my decision- it's important to remind myself of why I am not choosing to parent this way- especially when I start to get burnt out or when D asks me "what's next?" as far as putting L to sleep.  So just in perfect timing, I came across this on pinterest (if you don't want to spend more time online do not, I repeat, do not go on pinterest).

"Don't stand unmoving outside the door of a crying baby whose only desire is to touch you.  Go to your baby.  Go to your baby a million times.  Demonstrate that people can be trusted, that the environment can be trusted, that we live in a benign universe." 
                                                                               -Peggy O'Mara

And now for pictures: Race editions

As I mentioned in my update post- I really thought I might puke after crossing the finish line and it shows in the picture.  I love that the woman behind me is all excited and cheering for herself (she probably completed the half) and I look like I want to die.

And now for pictures: Laundry room edition

So here is how the laundry room looks at the moment- far from complete- but I can do laundry (which is why there's piles of it on the floor).

As you can see we still have more drywall the put up, and of course a door....eventually.

It's not a very large room and it's narrow so capturing it in pictures is difficult- but here it is!  I am trying to figure out what kind of cabinet/counter space would work best, so it will probably come last.  But here is a list of things that still need to get done.

To Do:

1. Install fan and lighting
2. Finish drywall- tapping/mudding/sanding
3. Finish dryer vent (right now it works but it's not installed all nice and finished)
4. Paint
5. Baseboards
6. Door
7. Cabinets

Updates

Woah, we've been busy...too busy and now I need a vacation.

I ran in my first race on Sunday- totally got the running bug and have been looking up future races to register for. This one seems like a ton of fun- but not sure if I can do a 10K yet.  I completed the Gun Bun Fun Run which is the last 5K/3.1 miles of the Napa to Sonoma Half Marathon (possibly something I can accomplish next year).  I was able to run the whole time and I ran about a 10:57 min mile pace, making it to the finish line in 34:02.  Not fast considering the winners of the half marathon were under a 5 min mile pace (yes that the pace average for 13.1 miles!!!).  But its the fastest I have completed a 5K, and I can cross it off my 28 for 28 list!    At the end I got a hige burst fo energy seeing the finish line and all the cheering- but as soon as I crossed and stopped I thought I was going to puke!  Fortunately the feeling passed (it would have been pretty embarrassing).

We have also done a lot with the laundry room.  The plumber came.  It's very refreshing to know a local reliable plumber who will do work for cash- so we saved about 60% off the quotes I was getting.  Sadly after the nice new plumbing was done, D nailed through the water line while securing the floor- we were freaking out!  The plumber came right back, repaired it free of charge.  We put up and tape/mud most of the sheet rock and D did all the tiling (because L absolutely refused to be put down or away from me).  Now I don't love these tiles- but we were going to cheap.  I even contemplated vinyl- but the styles were hideous and I didn't have time to order- gotta do some laundry!  So we picked these 18" squares up for $2 a piece- they are much more blue/gray in person.

Last night we installed the washer and dryer and everything seems to work great.  I have to say that I am so glad this is the last big project we will do in this house.  Renovating is a stressful process (ever seen that show Renovation Realities?).  I like to think that D and I are better off then the average DIYer (because of our experience, help from family), but every time we delve into a reno there are snags, frustrations, and it almost always takes much longer then anticipated.  Well that was how I would describe it pre baby- when both D and I were able to work.  Add L into the mix, as well as his resent teething madness- and its almost impossible.  Only one of us could work on the laundry room at a time- L also ended up getting a high fever over the weekend (still don't know the cause, had no other symptoms).  L has regressed a bit with sleeping in his crib and prefers to be back in our bed.  D also took a little more time then planned helping family with their projects- it wasn't very harmonious around here for a bit.

I think my body is starting to feel the effects of L nursing less or...something.  I always felt an added benefit of nursing so long was the lack of fluctuations in hormones, stable mood, and no monthly changes (yep no cycle!).  Well now it seems like I'm in a constant state of PMS (still no cycle).  What does it mean?  Do I need to supplement with more vitamins?  Is this just my body's way of preparing for the cycle of death- 2 years in the making...reminds me of Annuale.

Will post pictures of laundry room soon.

Breastfeeding

This is such an awesome piece about nursing....nursing an older child.   L doesn't seem to be anywhere close to weaning, but it brought some tears up for me.  It also helped me deal with a few nursing resentments that developed today.

Letting Go: A Weaning Story

(image found on Marvelous Kiddo)

The Happenings...

There's so much going on in our home right now- ya know, like finishing our new side gate (shown below), building a whole room, moving the washer and dryer into said room, designing a credenza (which is going at a snails pace)....

When we first moved in, D and I spent the first year renovating- like every day/weekend/evening- we were demo-ing, building, planning, shopping, designing, laboring.  It was fun/exhausting/necessary- and a great way to release my energy while wishing I was pregnant (that took a bit) and struggling to feel at home in our new town.  We completely redid the kitchen, master bath, back yard (still in progress).  After the first year things slowed down a lot, D and I have continued doing smaller projects here and there, but none of these projects have uprooted us the way those first year ones did.

 

Until now- we have decided to build a laundry room in the garage.  The garage has this extra pocket of space that was housing my treadmill (gotta figure out where that will go).  It seems like we are back to that hectic, do do do race that comes when you have a part of your home out of commission.  Since Monday we have had no washer or dryer hooked up.  Yes, it's only Wednesday, but with a baby things pile up.  Obviously we had to take a break from cloth diapering while we do this (we were washing diapers every day).  I am not happy with the disposables, but it's only going to be a week (I hope).

How are we able to do this?  My amazing Uncle (who also helped with just about every successful project in our home).  He came down to visit form Oregon for my moms 58th bday- he stayed about 1 week and single handedly built a huge pergola (the one in the above image) for my Mom and framed out our future laundry room.  He is nothing less then incredible/talented/hard working.  L loved him instantly, and L even got to learn a little Slovak.

Here are a few shots of the room in progress.  The plumber should be here Saturday and my goal is to be able to do laundry by Monday! Yes, I am excited to do laundry.

Tilden Park, you rock my world.

Merry-go-round, farm animals, botanical gardens, nature, amazing....

Major photobomb happening...

The Party Is On!

Today while we nursed our hangovers party flu (last night was the wrap party for the film D was working on)- D helped me figure out something huge- how to make L's bday party less stressful.  We have a nice sized home with a small yard, but with the scorching heat in August we would have to stuff everyone in the living room area and hope for the best.  Since we seriously have too many people to invite to Ls bday this didn't seem like fun.  We have a lot of family and friends- who in turn have a lot of kids/partners.  Also we have people to invite that span from Morgan Hill to El Dorado Hills.  Fortunately D thought of having it at a park- an awesome park in Berkeley- that has a carousel, and train, and the weather should be mild/wonderful.

Now the only stressor I have is that the area we reserved has a 35 person limit- I'm sure we will have more then 35.  Maybe no one will notice or care....

In other happenings- we have multiple projects going on right now- the laundry room should be starting next week, we are making our own credenza because we couldn't find/afford anything we liked, we will be buying a new car (this one stresses me out the most), my race is next weekend, and all the little projects for L's bday.