They grow so fast

Life with 2 kids is survival. Some days, mostly moments I think we have finally got this, but more often I think we are failing/drowning.  Over this last weekend we had a few successes such as clearing out some of the garage, taking some cute pics of the kids with a real camera- not an iPhone, finishing laundry (oh there's a new batch to be done), having a few minutes of adult talk.  But then we had two big boo boos- E bumped the back of her head and got her first boo boo.  Nothing major, but still so sad to see her cry.  L had a pretty intense boo boo- he got a gash on his forehead from running straight into the corner of our counter- the smack was so loud, he was immediately on the floor with blood gushing out.  Fortunately the bleeding stopped and he acts like it's barely there any more.

I'm doubting we will ever find a rhythm with 2 kids- but logic tells me we will.  E is so easy, just a normal newborn needing to be nursed, changed, and cuddled- but sleeps so nicely and enjoys being put down and just talked to.  L is still very intense and needs so much from me, he is always asking, "mama, will you play with me?"  It's in the sweetest voice, so darling and innocent- but I can't always play with him.  So I tell him, "soon", "after I feed your sister", "not right now".  And I feel guilty.  But sometimes he doesn't accept those answers and he screams- a horrible scream, and I just wish he would go away and leave me alone to care for the newborn that can't care herself.....and then I feel guilty.  Sometimes I look down at E after jostling her a little too much to navigate preparing Ls snack or rush into the room to check on him..and I see a sad little face thats saying, "mommy be more gentle"...this makes me sad and guilty.

Having two is hard- makes having one seem like nothing (well if the one was easy like E...L was not nothing as a newborn!).  I compare them a lot like that, easy versus hard- I am just so amazed by the difference in intensity, needs, temperament, and sleep/eat/diaper habits.  I wonder if having E by VBAC has impacted her in positive ways, I wonder if me being dairy free right away has helped prevent so many of Ls gassy tummy problems.  Or maybe it's just their personalities....whatever it is I am amazed daily by this.  As I look through the pictures I am also amazed by how different they look from each other.

Bedtime is such a sh*t show at our house- L just wont fall asleep quickly or without our help- for a while he was asking for me only- so if I needed to feed E he would fall apart....day time I can survive alone, bedtime is a two person job so my mom or D have had to come by.  I hope we can find some solutions to bedtime soon.

But the point of this post- they grow so fast!

I've Been MIA...

Well a lot has happened that I would have liked to blog about- L turned 2, we had a sweet birthday party for him, L started preschool and it's seriously the most amazing preschool ever, work has been going well, and the big one:

Cherry Baby #2!

Which is also the reason I haven't posted in forever- so sick.  I'm one of those lucky women who get extremely nauseated with hormonal changes, pregnancy being an obvious one.  But here I am almost 10 weeks feeling slightly normal.

In the trenches...

Thats where I am right now- L has been cutting his first molars and it's rough.

We also decided to attempt night weaning because he was waking up 3-5 times a night to nurse and sleep in our bed.  As much as I believe in the benefits of co-sleeping and love having L close- I don't enjoy it very much because I don't sleep well and end up in very uncomfortable positions.  Plus in 1 month L fell off our bed twice.  He had never fallen off the bed in 13 months, then bam, TWICE.  And the last time was bad!  Poor guy had a fat lip.  So we decided to loosely follow Jay Gordon's night weaning plan.  Our goal was to not nurse or bring L into our bed between the hours of 11pm and 6am.  Before of after that he could nurse and cuddle in our bed.   But between those hours we would walk him or rock him back to sleep and place him in his crib.

Of course right when we start this L starts cutting molars.  So we have caved in a few nights and nursed/co-slept- because honestly it was a night where nothing worked (actually even nursing and our bed didn't help till the tylenol started working).  Last night was one of those nights...

L went to bed around 7:30, but awoke at 9, then at 10, then again at 10:30.  Fortunately all those times were easy to put him back down.  Then he woke up at 12 and D went in to put him back down and L was inconsolable.  It's so frustrating when this happens- it's supposed to be a time when D steps in and I get to stay asleep.  But then I just lay in bed extremely stressed and upset because I hear L screaming his head off- so no sleep for me.  Last night I was not having it and even screamed out some overly dramatic statement about ending my life because this was absolute torture.  It really does begin to feel like torture when awoken so many times a night to a screaming child.  So I helped D give L Tylenol and we tried the oragel (but L hate it so I doubt we got it on his gums).  Then we brought out the big stops- a cup of water.  When nothing else works L instantly clams down when he can put a hand in a cup of water- he should have been born in the water.  D was able to walk him down after all that.

We are just exhausted over here.  I have never been a great sleeper (yes, I'm sure L gets it from me), D lays his head on the pillow and falls asleep instantly.  Even as a small child I appeared to be an insomniac.  It takes me a while to settle in at night, quiet my mind, calm my body, and actually fall asleep.   So if I am waking up several times, I am also having to re-acclimate myself to falling sleep each time.  It's a frustrating process and I hope that once these molars come in our night weaning plan will bring us some benefits.

Lets Talk About Breasts

(image via pinterest)

Having a baby and breastfeeding has caused me to have a greater appreciation for mine. Although the things that make sexualized breasts appreciated are NOT the same that make feeding  or "working" breasts appreciated....

First, bigger breasts are NOT better for feeding- the size has no impact on milk supply, but can be a pain in the a$$ when trying to feed your newborn (smothering your baby with your boob is not cool).  

Second, the less sensitive the better!  Working breasts go through a lot- scratching, pulling, biting, pinching, needing, suckling, etc....

Third, keeping them hidden and out of reach until needed is your best bet.  Sure, I could put my cleavage on display- but thats just asking for L to start patting them, pulling to expose them, and then tantruming till he gets them.  

Recently I spent some time with a few other nursing moms (with babies 6 months or younger)- when they went to feed their little ones they pulled out a nursing cover and I started to feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding.  I was around other women doing the same thing I do, and instead of feeling liberated and normalized- I felt like there was no way I would whip my breasts out and feed L.   See, we don't use a cover- I tried it when he was really little and it never worked out.  So seeing other women cover up got me questioning whether they would be uncomfortable with me nursing without a cover...and this is a new feeling.  When L was younger and easier to nurse in public and I guess more socially acceptable to nurse- I was fine with it.

And no, I wouldn't deprive L of food just because I felt a little awkward- but now he is almost 14 months, a wriggly distracted nurser, and can get a lot of his nutrition else where.  I am starting to see why many women wean, or at least stop nursing in public...

Birthday Outfit

I'm still floored by cuteness when I look at these pictures of L in his bday outfit.  The bow tie is from etsy seller Baby By Stevie and it stayed on all day!  The shirt is just a plain button down from gymboree (it had buttons on the collar which really helped keep the bow in place).   The jeans are from Gap- as mentioned before, the Gap has great baby clothes right now.  His shoes are Livie & Luca and were the very first things I bought when I was pregnant (got a good deal on Baby Steals)- I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl but I thought they would be cute for either.

Enough of that- now enjoy the pictures:

Bubble love

This video includes both dog and baby being utterly entertained- this pertains to me because I have both....must buy bubbles.



(found at So what I said)

Gifts for a 1 year old

L is quickly approaching age 1 so naturally I have started to think about his birthday party and potential gifts.  As for his party- I have no clue where to go with that- possible just a casual "open house" at our home- simple- convenient- air conditioned.

These are the gifts I have been eyeing:

Haba Building Blocks

Rody Horse

Chomp and Clack Push Toy

Happy Mother's Day

The other day I told D-   I don't care if we never celebrate my birthday ever again, as long as we celebrate mothers day-  because that actually matters!  Being a mom is the hardest, most meaningful, and amazing accomplishment of my life.

Last night D and I went to dinner while L spent time with his grandma.  It's the first time I have been out to eat at a nice restaurant- it's been nearly impossible to find good dinning while adhering to the dairy free needs of my little bear.  So we discovered Gather in Berkeley- they offer vegan, gluten free, and meat entrees- something for everyone.  I had a vegan kale caesar salad, a vegan pizza, and the best part- vega carrot cake for dessert.  It was AMAZING, and I can't wait to try more vegan cuisine since it's a guarantee we wont be dealing with dairy.

Leigh at Marvelous Kiddo- one of my favorite blogs- has a mothers day post with beautiful pictures capturing different mommy moments.  Here are a few of my favorite:

Adorable Video

Popsicles in January?

We are planning on waiting till L is 6 months to introduce solids and we are thinking of avoiding the rice/cereal/oatmeal altogether and going straight to the veggies- more of a baby-led weaning style. But we wanted to give him something to practice with as well as soothe his gums.  I found these instructions on making breastmilk popsicles a while back and figured now would be a good time.

This experiment has shown us that L is clearly not ready for solids- he has some ability to grasp and bring things into his mouth, but he still has the tongue thrust and drops the popsicle often.  By 6 months he should be just ready.  However, L LOVES his milk popsicles- as is evident in the photos below.

They were very easy to make- we used these popsicle molds

Just add the milk and place them in the freezer for a few hours/till frozen

(as you can see, L had already enjoyed a few)

Run them under warm to room temp water for a bit till you can pull them out easily

Make sure your little guy has a bib on...it can get messy

Then watch the cuteness ensue...

And what happens when it's all gone...

Nursery Tour

Here is L's room today.  He doesn't sleep here yet (I could add a crib to the list of useless baby items right now), we do all diaper changes here, play, nurse, hang out....and eventually he will sleep in here. We only had to purchase 2 pieces of furniture- the currently useless crib and the glider, everything else was already owned.  We just tweaked the furniture we already had by either painting or adding baskets to create storage.

Although the style of this room doesn't necessarily reflect "our" style, this is one of my favorite rooms in our home because most of the decorations came from family and/or were crafted.  I reupholstered the glider, sewed the pillows, made the bird mobile, and the quilt on the footstool.  D's mom is a real quilter and made the amazing one hanging over the back of the glider (she also made one for our wedding which reminds me of the wedding every time I look at it).  The framed carriage images were my grandmothers, as was the red light (we painted it red- it was originally cream colored).  The framed fairy tale needle points above the changing station were made by my aunt from Slovakia.  They are pretty old as a remember them always being in my mom's home growing up.  My mom made the needle point birth announcement thats framed near the diaper station.  And D took these amazing pictures.  Love him.

Nursery Evolution

When we purchased our home I already knew which room would be the nursery if/when we had a baby...it was the last room that we painted/fixed up just in case I got pregnant. Well I didn't for a while so we finally went ahead and committed to turning it into an office/guestroom- with BLACK walls. As soon as I deemed it "complete", I got a positive pregnancy test. It's pretty shocking that I even have these few pics of the room since it didn't stay this way for more then a couple months.