Life Lately

 

Here's L, dodging his way through the play structure.  L has really been a joy to go places with, he is playing so nicely with there kids, I have almost healed from all the scars of the constant hitting and being "that kids mom".  It's as if he is finally cognitively able to understand the discipline, and he is starting to really like other kids- there was a time he really just liked adults.  He started soccer last week which was AWESOME!  He adored his coach.

Now you may be wondering why D and I look exhausted in the pic below- well keep scrolling and you will see a floor!  Over two late nights D and I (mostly D) tiled and grouted a new kitchen floor.  As with any DIY project, there were some hiccups (like some of the tiles purchased had been returned with dried thin set on them, aka ruining them).  But its done, now we move on to the stair nose and more finishing touches.  I do want a carpet in the kitchen, the tile while beautiful and nice solid, will mean that anything dropped will shatter.  I'm a bit anxious about that.  If money hadn't been any issue, we would have gone with wood.  Hardwood wins every time for me (except in bathrooms).

And so it goes...

This blog is rarely going to get updated....deal with it.

I'm back to work, we're juggling our crazy ever changing work schedules.  Literally D & I can have our whole weeks schedule change in a matter of minutes.  I have to say this is a huge source of stress for our family.  At least if we worked a set time/schedule we could build around it.  Some days I go from having 1 client to having 3, or the other way around.  Some weeks D is scheduled to work 5 days then it's down to two.  Making plans is hard, so I try to be more spontaneous and just do things when we both happen to have time off.

L started preschool- like the kind where we don't go with him.  The first day was great, the second day was HORRIBLE.  It took me 35 min and a lollipop to get him out of the car, then he ended up breaking down about 2 hrs in to the day screaming, crying, peed himself and refused to let the teachers change his clothes.  I picked him up early, still in his pee clothes.  The third day we re-evaluated and did a short day, he was content and stayed an extra 20 min to finish the activity.  But of course now he has a cold and our groove is gone.  He missed today for being sick.

But overall I think L turning 3 will be the start of things getting a bit easier with him.  Everyone kept telling us 3 is worse then 2, but I think it depends on the child.  L is already showing more ability to regulate his emotions, be more sensitive of others feelings, communicate more effectively, and OMG he has practically stopped hitting kids.  This is HUGE, we can take him to the park and have fun.  I think E has been a big influence on him.  I will watch L be drawn to babies at the park, and be extra careful around them and watch over them.  Before he used to hit them and knock them down.

We took L to the beach for the first time, he was amazed at the ocean, but grossed out by the seaweed on the sand and the feeling of the sand in his shoes/on his feet.  He is totally my son.  We also took him bowling- that was fun.  In all the craziness we updated our fireplace with a magnetic chalkboard.  E is teething up a storm, but still sleeping like a champ at night and when we go out.  Overall this parenting 2 kids is starting to make sense....but that will change again soon I'm sure.  My goal for L's 3rd year, and E's first, is to make it about experiences, not things.  My pregnancy was so physically hard and we were busy working that I feel L missed out.  He also has too many "things-" grandparents can be pretty bad with boundaries about gifts.  It makes me sad when L wants to stay home all day and use the ipad or play with his toys.  Yes he is looking to be an introvert who is slow to warm up, but I think balance is important. So we are planning more days to parks, events, trips to out of town, and experiences that will hopefully be memorable and meaningful for our kids.

I started running again- finished up week 4 of C25K- seems harder then last time.  We are looking for new renters since our tenants are moving out (surprisingly not as stressed about this as I should be- I miss that house and constantly think about moving back).  D & I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary, I wish we could have done something more then a lunch date eating out and a movie, next year.

They grow so fast

Life with 2 kids is survival. Some days, mostly moments I think we have finally got this, but more often I think we are failing/drowning.  Over this last weekend we had a few successes such as clearing out some of the garage, taking some cute pics of the kids with a real camera- not an iPhone, finishing laundry (oh there's a new batch to be done), having a few minutes of adult talk.  But then we had two big boo boos- E bumped the back of her head and got her first boo boo.  Nothing major, but still so sad to see her cry.  L had a pretty intense boo boo- he got a gash on his forehead from running straight into the corner of our counter- the smack was so loud, he was immediately on the floor with blood gushing out.  Fortunately the bleeding stopped and he acts like it's barely there any more.

I'm doubting we will ever find a rhythm with 2 kids- but logic tells me we will.  E is so easy, just a normal newborn needing to be nursed, changed, and cuddled- but sleeps so nicely and enjoys being put down and just talked to.  L is still very intense and needs so much from me, he is always asking, "mama, will you play with me?"  It's in the sweetest voice, so darling and innocent- but I can't always play with him.  So I tell him, "soon", "after I feed your sister", "not right now".  And I feel guilty.  But sometimes he doesn't accept those answers and he screams- a horrible scream, and I just wish he would go away and leave me alone to care for the newborn that can't care herself.....and then I feel guilty.  Sometimes I look down at E after jostling her a little too much to navigate preparing Ls snack or rush into the room to check on him..and I see a sad little face thats saying, "mommy be more gentle"...this makes me sad and guilty.

Having two is hard- makes having one seem like nothing (well if the one was easy like E...L was not nothing as a newborn!).  I compare them a lot like that, easy versus hard- I am just so amazed by the difference in intensity, needs, temperament, and sleep/eat/diaper habits.  I wonder if having E by VBAC has impacted her in positive ways, I wonder if me being dairy free right away has helped prevent so many of Ls gassy tummy problems.  Or maybe it's just their personalities....whatever it is I am amazed daily by this.  As I look through the pictures I am also amazed by how different they look from each other.

Bedtime is such a sh*t show at our house- L just wont fall asleep quickly or without our help- for a while he was asking for me only- so if I needed to feed E he would fall apart....day time I can survive alone, bedtime is a two person job so my mom or D have had to come by.  I hope we can find some solutions to bedtime soon.

But the point of this post- they grow so fast!

Turning 30

Yep- it happened.  But really I just wanted to post these pics:

Big Boy Room

L's big boy room is done- well as done as a room can be to me.

Happenings

Of course it's been forever since I made a blog post...

It feels like so many things have happened, yet not much to write about, or nothing that I want to write about.  We have been trying to get the house more "ready" for our little girl arriving in the next 7-9 weeks (if she's on L's schedule she will arrive before the due date, but I have to at least be aware that I could go after my due date, boy will that be difficult to handle).

We are finally making some real progress on the nursery.  after L was born I really felt like his room was a waste.  He never slept in there and I spent all this time making it so cute.  When I first got pregnant this time, I toyed with not even having a nursery and just keeping the 3rd bedroom as an office/playroom.  Well I couldn't stand it, and I started to think about how the baby would need a space her own, off limits to L for naps.  I figured he would have a harder time staying out f our room then the "baby's" room.  We also moved L into the bigger room and I am so glad we did.

Since my last post, L has not once been walked down to sleep- YAY!  That does not mean bedtimes are easy, but it's progress.  L now enjoys his night time routine of teeth brushing and stories, but he still fights sleep.  This shows up in different ways depending on the night.  He will ask for food/drinks oevr and over, he will want to have a certain toy in bed and then be distracted by it, or he will want to read certain books that engage him way too much.  Books with pop ups, texture, flaps to be lifted, etc are off limits at bed time.  We also realize that we need to change books out often or he gets bored.  So we decided to go to the library to get a bunch of books every few weeks.  My favorite bed time book for him is Bedtime for Francis- the way it is written works well with a fairly monotone voice and usually gets him to bed.  But L is so smart that when he wants to fight bed, he fights the books that are great at putting him to sleep.  L is also pretty much day time potty trained.  He has an occasional accident, and still has some some anxiety about pooping, but I am so happy we can put on underwear, bring our potty in the back of the car and just go.  Night time we use pull ups and L seems to avoid pooping during the day on the potty by pooping when he wakes up in a pull up.  I am fine with this for now.

We are having a lot of struggles with Ls behavior with other kids at preschool/playgrounds.  L hits/pushes if they simply approach him.  He really believes they are going to take his toy or get in his space.  It's embarrassing to have the kid that causes the other kids to cry....but thats a post for another time.

Here are a few pictures to make this post less of an essay...

Starting at the top: L playing with "colored" water- sort of our version of a little montessori activity.  The next two are nursery progress, got a great deal on a room and board glider off craigslist, make some cheap curtains out of clearance sheets, bought fabric for the skirt and pillows on the crib, and repurposed most of L's nursery stuff (light, birds, etc).  Bottom left pic is L coloring eggs at school- he looks so old here, no more puffy diaper paints!  Last is me at 27 weeks.  I am much larger now but have to yet to take another pic.

Big Boy

I really thought I would be blogging more during this pregnancy- it always seemed like something I wanted to do.  And then here I am blogging the least I have ever...and there is so much going on.

L is making some major progress in the potty training, and sleeping department.  Tonight will hopefully mark the SEVENTH night in a ROW that he has fallen asleep with a story (not a book, but just being told a story in bed).  This is HUGE.  L has probably done this 2 times in his life prior to the last seven days.  It's like he is finally ready to let go of his hate for night time and relax.  The potty training was also a huge breakthrough- I started offering him semi sweet chocolate chips to go pee- since he was holding it for hours without his diapers.  He started going regularly and now doesn't need a reward to constantly go.  He hasn't mastered pulling his pants/underwear down so sometimes he goes on the potty through them. He also sometimes tries to stand/squat over the potty backwards- this made for a hilarious poop that was dropped on the floor in front of the potty.  Thankfully we have hard floors and he missed the few carpeted spaces.  He we isn't ready to go out of the house without a diaper.  But yeah, these things are amazing and so nice to see happen before the next baby comes.

We moved L into the other room. It's a larger room and close the the kitchen so he can play in there while I do stuff and still watch him.  He likes it a lot better and I credit his better sleeping in part to the room change.

We upholstered his headboard to make it safer and better looking using Daniel's tutorial.  We only did the headboard so it would still be easy to take apart, and we do plan on painting the wood gray.  We made a wall shelf of books using the Ikea Ribba ledges.  I really love how they turned out.  We also got a chew nightstand on craigslist.  There is so much more to do but it's finally coming together.  Here's some shots of it now- far from finished.

I am excited to get started on the babies room.  So far we have L's nursery furniture out, but nothing decorated on it's it's permanent spot.  I also really want to find a glider I like thats not $1000.  I look on craigslist and in the stores but nothing has really popped out at me yet.

L has found his love for legos again- constantly masking "sail boats, "robots", "monster trucks"- have I mentioned how "boy" this kid is?  So boy.  I got him a doll for Christmas and he frowned and said it belonged to his cousin, who is a girl...oh well.  Below L is building towers with D, and then I had to include this sweet sleeping picture.

Good Stuff

So I'm 21 weeks and feeling much better (yet still struggling certain days with the nausea and fatigue).  And we found out that our next little one will be a GIRL.  We are very excited, everyone including us had desire for a little sister for L.  And I get to use the name that I have been wanting to use for L before we knew he was a he.

We also found a wonderful doula- she is not cheap, but she gets it, has the perfect personality to be tough with me when I'm in pain, and to be assertive with the hospital staff.  Yes, it appears we will be birthing at the hospital instead of at home.  Honestly, I am too fearful of having a catastrophic rupture- if that happened in a home birth baby would die.  The risk is very low, but I'm afraid, and low risk doesn't mean I wont be the one that it happens to.  Who knows if we change our minds before the birth, but right now that is the plan.

We decided we will not try to move this next year.  So now we will paint some of the rooms white (yes white, because this rental is an ugly off white, yellowish neutral that makes my skin crawl.  Oh and it's all glossy, every single room, gross!).  We are also going move L into the other room so baby girl will have a nursery.  I know she may not be in it right away, but I think it's important to have it set up and ready so we can start getting her used to a crib very early.  We plan to try different things with her in hopes that she will sleep better then L.

I'm very excited for Xmas this year with L.  He is already so into it, loving the outdoor lights, saying "merry christmas", watching the 1964 Rudolf movie.  My favorite thing so far this xmas has been buying books to read to L.  This sweet bookstore in town just makes me want to curl up in the corner and read to him all day.  Plus I don't know how many more times I can read some of the books we have.  Lets just say there are several stories L can "read" because he has memorized them.

Above are a few pics, for some reason we have only taken instagram/iphone photos int he last 5 months...First is L listening to the baby with Babkas stethoscope, next is L being a "helicopter pilot", then L at Fairyland on the train in his new hat, and last is L with his friend being utterly adorable together.

It's been a while...

I am really slacking on updating this blog, but thats to be expected.  It's much faster paced where we live now, I'm working, L is a handful, and who has time for blogging...

The last few weeks haven't been great.  I found out I was pregnant and then I found out I wasn't any more, all in a matter 4 days.  It was a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage.  Something I have never experienced before but always heard a about.  We were really excited when we found out I was pregnant, even though a huge part of me didn't believe it or trust it.  But the next day I felt pregnant and began to get a little more excited.  Even still, I kept testing to see if the test line would appear darker- this is something I didn't do with L, and I just knew I was going ot have a baby when I found out with L- this time I didn't.  The test line started to get lighter, and within a couple days was so light that I knew.  I went back and forth with tricking myself into thinking it was only a few days and my hcg levels could still be really low...but I also knew.  And then I got my period.  I'm grateful this happened early and my body handled it the way it should.  I currently have a client who experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks, very far along and needing medical assistance.  I have to say I was devastated for a few days, but I am ultimately ok.  Obviously hearing about people being pregnant with the same due date I would have had hurts a little, but I don't view this loss as the loss of a baby or child.  I'm sure there are others who read this blog and may feel differently, but I lost some obviously damaged cells- early miscarriages are usually due to non viable eggs/sperm with chromosome abnormalities.

My only concern was that breastfeeding somehow contributed to the miscarriage.  The night after getting a darker positive test and feeling very pregnant, I nursed L.  It was incredibly painful, I was cramping, and feeling very uncomfortable, light headed, almost like mild labor.  So uncomfortable that I had to stop nursing.  The next day my symptoms faded- as did the test result.  I haven't nursed L since, but he also hasn't really asked.

L is getting so much more independent.  We decided to get a family membership to the YMCA- it's close, they have a pool, FREE childcare, lots of free family stuff, and it's affordable!  I was a little worried the first time we took L to their childcare that he would freak out.  My previous experiences of daycare, or just walking away from him to use the bathroom have turned into crying spells.  But he has gone twice and not cried at all!  He calls the place "special grandmas house" because we were told during our tour that during the morning hours the workers are grandmas.  It feels like he is ready to start preschool, and even a little daycare if I need to relieve my mom from always watching him while I work.

Creeping up on two years....

 

I haven't been blogging much...obviously.

This has been a very trying time for me with all the changes, moving, starting my practice, raising a strong willed toddler, slowly weaning, financial issues.  It's incredible how much I have been thrown off balance.  Just when I felt like things were picking up with my practice and I was gaining some ground financially- we get a huge expense over at our rented house.  Basically washed away all I have saved up.

L is getting so big and smart - but honestly I have been really burnt out with his whining and tantrums.  It's not that I can't find peace during these moments, it's that I often wake up at 6am to L staring me in the face screaming/whining.  He is an early waker and it's no lie I am NOT a morning person.  So it's been overwhelming for me to have to deal with the fussiness the second I open my eyes.

L and I are doing swim lessons- we are having a much better experience with L being around other toddlers/kids at the swimming class then we did at Little Gym.  The water has always been his favorite thing, and maybe - I don't want to jinx it - but maybe he is growing out of that stage a little bit.  Hopefully by September when he starts preschool it will be a lot better.

The weaning has been going ok- I have been nursing him on average about 3 times a week.  In dire situations at night I have nursed him to sleep- but we avoid it at all costs.  he still asks for it and even cries and tantrums some days int he morning.  But I am working on distracting him and finding other ways to comfort him.  I notice I am more emotional on the days I nurse now versus the way it used to be- where I got emotional on the days I didn't nurse.  Hormones are shifting.

But the main point of this post- L is now 22 months, he is almost 2 years old!  He is so quickly becoming less and less baby.  We are planning on doing a small mainly family and close friends birthday party at our home.  We plan to discourage presents because seriously, L doesn't need any more toys, especially since we plan on getting him a few things our selves.  I know that grandparents will still get gifts- I won't take that joy away from them...

Above are a few pics of L in the wagon with his "lily muffins".  She isn't a huge fan of staying in the wagon, but was compliant enough for a few pics.  Below are pics of L wearing his PG&E dress up outfit- his first dress up outfit.  D worked on a shoot for PG&E and they didn't need these any more so D was able to snag some new "gear".  

"Innocent"

We are officially weaning and it's making me a little sad/mopey.  Yay for hormone changes!

Right now L is only being nursed in the morning.  We decided to cut out all night time nursing first because we think it will help him sleep and also be able to soothed by someone else besides me (like daddy).  He seriously wakes up and cries and screams "booby!".

In other news I'm really struggling with L's behavior towards other children- he basically hates them/fears them/hits them.  And I know it's not out of aggression or rage- it's so clearly because he is fearful and mistrusting of other kids.  This makes me incredibly sad- I wish my little baby could have a few more months/years of being truly "innocent".  I don't think he should have to be so weary and cautious of new situations/people this young.  It's hard for me not to wonder how this temperament and these traits will evolve as he grows.  And I wish everyone would stop telling me how "normal" his behavior is...because where are all these other supposed "normal" kids.  I have probably seen one or two children act like L- out of A LOT.  Maybe their moms never bring them out because their kids hit and it's too much.

L had his early well baby Dr visit today.  We are so lucky and I randomly picked a great pediatrician.  L is also still growing along the same curve except in height.  He had a huge gain in height and is now in the 94th percentile (usually was hovering around the 50th).  L did whack a girl in the waiting room with his toy bus...I can't help but feel bad for the other kids he hits because he was so impacted by being hit.

Dream House

L got a wonderful surprise today- D and my mom spotted a play house in front of a neighbors home.  They check it out, see the adorable note dictated by Gracie, typed by a parent with an original artist rendition by gracie of the play house (I really should post a picture of it- it's that adorable).  The note read: "You can have my house for free.  I (Gracie age 7) am too big for it now."

It was in excellent condition and not that annoying faded primary colored plastic you often find in used kids outdoor stuff.  So they walked it back to our house.  This is a playhouse that would have cost over $300 new (but this exact model doesn't seem to be available any more).  We would have never purchased it new or any where close to that price, but we are so happy to have gotten it....and for free.  L is pretty happy about it too.

1st Hair Cut

Done by me...