Falling

Today I experienced my first fall while running.  It wasn't too bad, scraped my knees, bruised the bottom of my right hand where it meets the wrist, but amazingly didn't break my phone.

Hopefully I will be out there tomorrow since D and I signed up for a half marathon that takes place on his 30th birthday in October.  The thing is though, neither of us have been keeping up with regular running or working out. Hopefully this will be our motivator.

In other news- we got into the preschool we wanted for L.  It's only 1 day a week and parent participation, but it's so neat, very nature based.  My practice is picking up and it looks like I may actually bring in some income this month- meaning I will make more then my expenses for the month.  This is a big deal since my office rent doubled to it's full amount this month.

L's 2 year birthday is coming up very soon.  I have yet to really plan anything or settle on a date.  D and I also have an anniversary coming up and need to plan that.  L has been like a little hulk- so much energy and emotion and no way of regulating it yet.  He is in this new phase where he "hates" daddy when I am around.  So we hear a lot of "No, no Daddy, just mommy" or "not daddy's, only mommys" - that last one is in reference to the new family iPad.  Sometimes L and I will be in his bed reading and D will walk into the room and L screams and tantrums, "no, no daddy".  Poor D and poor me, I can't get a break without a tantrum.  But hey- L has really cut down on the hitting and hating of other children!  It's so true that with kids everything is always changing...

Creeping up on two years....

 

I haven't been blogging much...obviously.

This has been a very trying time for me with all the changes, moving, starting my practice, raising a strong willed toddler, slowly weaning, financial issues.  It's incredible how much I have been thrown off balance.  Just when I felt like things were picking up with my practice and I was gaining some ground financially- we get a huge expense over at our rented house.  Basically washed away all I have saved up.

L is getting so big and smart - but honestly I have been really burnt out with his whining and tantrums.  It's not that I can't find peace during these moments, it's that I often wake up at 6am to L staring me in the face screaming/whining.  He is an early waker and it's no lie I am NOT a morning person.  So it's been overwhelming for me to have to deal with the fussiness the second I open my eyes.

L and I are doing swim lessons- we are having a much better experience with L being around other toddlers/kids at the swimming class then we did at Little Gym.  The water has always been his favorite thing, and maybe - I don't want to jinx it - but maybe he is growing out of that stage a little bit.  Hopefully by September when he starts preschool it will be a lot better.

The weaning has been going ok- I have been nursing him on average about 3 times a week.  In dire situations at night I have nursed him to sleep- but we avoid it at all costs.  he still asks for it and even cries and tantrums some days int he morning.  But I am working on distracting him and finding other ways to comfort him.  I notice I am more emotional on the days I nurse now versus the way it used to be- where I got emotional on the days I didn't nurse.  Hormones are shifting.

But the main point of this post- L is now 22 months, he is almost 2 years old!  He is so quickly becoming less and less baby.  We are planning on doing a small mainly family and close friends birthday party at our home.  We plan to discourage presents because seriously, L doesn't need any more toys, especially since we plan on getting him a few things our selves.  I know that grandparents will still get gifts- I won't take that joy away from them...

Above are a few pics of L in the wagon with his "lily muffins".  She isn't a huge fan of staying in the wagon, but was compliant enough for a few pics.  Below are pics of L wearing his PG&E dress up outfit- his first dress up outfit.  D worked on a shoot for PG&E and they didn't need these any more so D was able to snag some new "gear".  

"Innocent"

We are officially weaning and it's making me a little sad/mopey.  Yay for hormone changes!

Right now L is only being nursed in the morning.  We decided to cut out all night time nursing first because we think it will help him sleep and also be able to soothed by someone else besides me (like daddy).  He seriously wakes up and cries and screams "booby!".

In other news I'm really struggling with L's behavior towards other children- he basically hates them/fears them/hits them.  And I know it's not out of aggression or rage- it's so clearly because he is fearful and mistrusting of other kids.  This makes me incredibly sad- I wish my little baby could have a few more months/years of being truly "innocent".  I don't think he should have to be so weary and cautious of new situations/people this young.  It's hard for me not to wonder how this temperament and these traits will evolve as he grows.  And I wish everyone would stop telling me how "normal" his behavior is...because where are all these other supposed "normal" kids.  I have probably seen one or two children act like L- out of A LOT.  Maybe their moms never bring them out because their kids hit and it's too much.

L had his early well baby Dr visit today.  We are so lucky and I randomly picked a great pediatrician.  L is also still growing along the same curve except in height.  He had a huge gain in height and is now in the 94th percentile (usually was hovering around the 50th).  L did whack a girl in the waiting room with his toy bus...I can't help but feel bad for the other kids he hits because he was so impacted by being hit.

Dream House

L got a wonderful surprise today- D and my mom spotted a play house in front of a neighbors home.  They check it out, see the adorable note dictated by Gracie, typed by a parent with an original artist rendition by gracie of the play house (I really should post a picture of it- it's that adorable).  The note read: "You can have my house for free.  I (Gracie age 7) am too big for it now."

It was in excellent condition and not that annoying faded primary colored plastic you often find in used kids outdoor stuff.  So they walked it back to our house.  This is a playhouse that would have cost over $300 new (but this exact model doesn't seem to be available any more).  We would have never purchased it new or any where close to that price, but we are so happy to have gotten it....and for free.  L is pretty happy about it too.

1st Hair Cut

Done by me...

 

21 months

L is 21 months today- Last night marked the first night he fell asleep in a bed.  Ok, so it was our bed not his, and Kiki's Delivery Service was playing on the TV (go ahead judge me;)- but it's a start.  The plan is to gradually get him used to falling asleep in a bed, then remove the stimulations/distractions as he gets more used to it.  Then move him into his own bed and fall asleep without us.  Progress....

Here is L enjoying his yogurt for breakfast while being his big 21 month old self.

It is what it is....

Today I am sleep deprived- L really doesn't like going to sleep with me any more.  We still walk him down or nurse him down and lately the nursing isn't working very well and the walking only works if it's someone besides me!  So from 3am till 6:30am L and I were in a battle.  I tried walking him down and he was practically asleep and then just picks his head up and starts chatting away wide awake...nursing provided the same result, threats of sleeping alone in his room made him pretend to sleep for 1 minute then wake up again.

Finally out of sheer exhaustion I said he was going to bed and placed him in his bed, walked out of his room, and shut the door.  I wasn't even 2 feet away from his door when I heard his thumping run and then him smashing into the door screaming "mama!".  I didn't go in right away, but then it sounded like he was banging his head so I went in.  Finally after doing this dance for 3 and half hours, L fell asleep nursing.

I despise nights alone with L- if D is home and L wakes up, D brings him to the bed and L nurses for a bit.  Sometimes we all fall back asleep and cosleep for the night.  Usually however, I can't sleep while nursing so I stay awake till L has had both breasts and seems just about back to sleep.  Then I ask D to move him to his bed.  Sometimes D has to walk for a few minutes-  yes a few minutes.  If I were to pick L up to transfer him back to the bed he would wake up- I have tried and it happens every time so we just stopped.

I feel like screaming WTF!  How did L turn out like this!!?!  Not many other kids are this difficult to put to sleep and keep asleep at this age- or maybe they are but it definitely isn't the norm.  I'm sure D and I could have cried it out with L when he was younger, but I still stand by our decision not to.  Today my mom watched L so I could rest stress about my work alone.  She got him to fall asleep in her bed- she said it took 45 min.  She is coming over to tell me how it was done.  I suspect it included numerous redirecting back in the bed, music, iphone games, and tv.  We will see and try it here tonight.  But it definitely means L needs a real bed so we can lay with him till he falls asleep.  And then there's always the wondering if he will fall asleep for everyone but me.

L has been increasingly sensitive to my tone of voice and mood- if I even pretend to be upset he gets upset.  So I just say "mommy's ok" to reassure him.  Well during lasts nights madness my tone was not sweet and patient, but was stern and pretty pissed.  L kept saying "mommy ok" in the sweetest little voice ever....it melted my heart.

In good news- we found a wonderful preschool thanks to the recommendation of our neighbor.  It's parent participation, but nothing too demanding.  My practice is picking up but it is also a constant source fo stress- marketing is draining, I worry about money, I worry about how good of a therapist I am- it's been hard returning to this work after such a long time mainly just chatting with babies/toddlers/dogs.  This weekend my in laws begin the move out of their home of over 30 years- D was born and raised in one house...he is handling it rather well.

I really want/need a little vacation- away from technology that connects to me to my work, where I can sleep uninterrupted, spend relaxing time with my husband.....probably not in the budget for a while.

Hitting and the word "NO"

Today started off great- L was in a good mood, he asked me to put on Jillian Michaels (this kid is so supportive of my exercising)- and he ate well, showered well, and we were off to Little Gym.

When we got there it was a different story- he started looking at other kids and saying "No" and going to hit them.  When we were in the beginning circle and trying to "share" a bean bag L was the only one who refused to hand it off and the whole time tantrumed to get it back.  This continued to the point of me being so embarrassed and frustrated that I took him out to the waiting area to see if he was hungry.  he said he wanted a banana but refused to eat it and kept picking up chairs claiming they were "broken"- they weren't.  Finally I decided lets just leave.

I hate this feeling- like my kid is the only one who hits and frowns at other kids while saying "NO". Or at least he is the only kid in that class/playdate/visit.  I have no clue how best to redirect/correct this behavior.  I do know that he was tired today at Little Gym and I have seen him being hungry trigger this.

I think D and I intervene appropriately- at least everything I have read is exactly what we do...except L probably sees a lot of redirecting our dog which isn't great.  Obviously we don't hit our dog, but we do say "no" to her a lot, or "off".  And we do for lack of better words- tap/push her to redirect if she is jumping on someone or about to grab food.  Obviously not hard, but in the way that you learn at dog training classes.  I might have to get creative with how to redirect our dog.

Also- L never hit till he was with his uncle (who is 5 months older).  His uncle hit him several times and L was very upset.  He also was picked on by a boy in our old moms group.  After those incidents I noticed that instead of welcoming peers to be close to him, he started frowning and lashing out.  It was almost as if he no longer trusted other kids and needed to protect himself.

Now if only I could let go and believe this is normal toddler behavior so I didn't feel like a horrible mom...