The Life of A Breastfeeding Working Mom

Cuteness

On The Mend

I think L is finally getting better- finally! I was really upset when we went to the Dr. on Monday and found out he had lost 1 lb in a week and a half.  The Dr. noticed another ear infection and gave us antibiotics.  They seem to be doing the trick- L is back to nursing, smiling, and squealing.  Today his "talking" changed to sounding more like a real conversation and I swear he was trying to imitate my sounds- it was amazing.

These quotes were heavy on my mind this week...

Wordless Wednesday

Worst Weekend

I feel like a bad mother...

With all thats happened health wise since L started daycare, I think I'm not being the best mother I can be.  This is something I feel- in my heart, in my core- it's primitive.  Yes it responsible to return to work so we can continue to pay our mortgage and live the same lifestyle we do, but mortgages/money/jobs mean nothing to our most primitive selves.

I wrote about L's changes in nursing just the other day.  Now I am starting to think it's less of a change in how he nurses and more of a reaction to being sick- yet again.  It started friday, I went tot nurse him on my lunch and he barely latched on.  I ended up leaving early so I could pump before conducting group therapy for 90 min.  I pumped over 6 ounces- meaning L barely ate.   That night L went down to sleep really easily in the cosleeper- this was shocking, but something didn't feel right.  I didn't know what at the time, but I just wasn't enthused he could fall asleep on his own (which is something we have been working toward). Yesterday he continued barely eating, barely nursing- I tried bottles too.  I was engorged so I had to pump.  Last night again, he fell asleep in the cosleeper, nursed a little throughout he night- but was not his usual self.  Today it just got worse, he ate even less, I pumped to maintain supply. L's fever returned, though not a high fever, L was whining in pain so we gave him tylenol.  He has ben very tired, napping much more then usual and just falling asleep without his usual protest.  He has a Dr. appt first thing tomorrow morning (assuming nothing changes that makes us have to go the the ER).

I'm feeling very emotional about him not wanting to nurse, though I don't believe he is trying to wean since he barely takes a bottle too.  In the month L has been in daycare he hasn't been healthy.  It feels like this is his way of communicating to me it's not a good fit.

Changes

My nursing relationship with L has started to change and some of the changes make me a little sad.  L is becoming increasingly aware and interested in everything going on around him and slightly less interested in just nursing.   So many things distract him he now- the dogs, lights, computers, people, noises, even me!  It's caused nursing to be a little difficult, and take a lot longer- but not longer because of feeding time, longer because of redirecting him back to nursing.  I've started to notice he does the majority of his nursing at night when tired and in bed- this isn't great for my sleep though!

He also isn't eating nearly as often as he used to.  In the beginning the constant feedings wore on me (oh the pain of thrush and an enthusiastic eater!), but somewhere along the way I got used to his need to feed all the time and it even became comforting and expected- it was a constant in our relationship.  Now I will assume he is hungry because, well it's been over 3 hours since he last ate- I try to nurse him and he just smiles at me, plays around for a bit, and if I push it- he bites me! Yes, he has two razor sharp teeth right now.  I'm not very fond of L's new way of communicating, but I do get the point pretty quickly. 

These changes have also been bothersome since I seem to have caused an oversupply (this is where you produce significantly more milk then your little one needs).  I eat oatmeal every morning- it tastes good, it's cheap, and I was originally worried about not producing enough when I returned to work.  Oatmeal is supposed to help boost milk production.  I also pump much more milk then L takes at daycare, and I can't just give him bigger bottles since he just spits up when you over feed him- it's pretty wonderful that my little guy lets me know what his needs are.  So my freezer stash continues to grow, and I am very grateful I do not have to worry about not having milk for L when he is at daycare.....now I just have to work on preventing the engorgement and in the end may donate some milk.

Wordless Wednesday

Running

I almost don't want to post/proclaim this...

I've started running on our treadmill (purchased from craigslist).  It's a lot cheaper then our gym membership was and I can still be with L or just go for a short run while he is napping- if he ever lets me put him down for a nap again!  I'm not a "good" runner, never have been, my poor lungs just don't want to keep up.  But there's nothing like running that gets me out of my head, and works so many different muscles.  So here I am starting the couch to 5K program...