Emotional

Today hasn't been fun.  Finally had a procedure on my toes for ingrown toenails that came at the end of my pregnancy and 11 months later still would not get better.  I'll spare you the gory details... but it sucked, hurt, and due to a chemical used (Phenol) I have to pump and dump milk for a bit.  How long?  No one can truly answer that, but I read something out about 12 hours and my Dr. recommended something similar so thats what I am doing.  It's frustrating that there isn't enough information about breastfeeding and medications.

The hard part is not being able to nurse L right now.  I didn't think it would bother me so much since its just for half a day, but already I've shed a few tears.  It's hard that I can't comfort him in that way.   Also D has had to be the one to actually dump the pumped milk- it's not in me to throw it out- liquid gold after all.

I put off this procedure for a while- mostly due to my own anxiety.  I actually went to have it done in May but told them at the appointment that I couldn't go through with it and left (even after they tried their best to get me to stay and convince me).  Today when I was brought back in the room I was nervous and had to go pee, I excused myself and the nurse said, "you're coming back right?"  They know me and my fear of medical procedure a little to well over there.  Basically the kicker that got me to finally have this done was getting tired of bloody socks after my runs, constant toe pain, and not being able to wear any shoes but one pair.  

So here I sit, with my feet elevated, watching my mother play with my amazing little boy who I can't nurse.  Yes, I'm having a poor me moment.  But there's some good stuff happening too; D has installed the lighting and fan in the laundry room, as well as all the interior drywall- hopefully he can tape and mud it tonight.  And we mailed out some of L's bday invites (we are only mailing some of the invites, most people are on facebook and that works just as well).