Hindsight

I wish I had known how much I would love being a mom and want to devote my full self to doing this.  I would have made very different choices about school, career, and money management.  Yes, this a post where I whine that I do not stay home with my amazing son.  Although I love aspects of my job, have moments where I feel good about the work I do, adore many of my coworkers- the passion and drive to be there is gone.  I find myself angry, inconvenienced, and just resentful at work and at home while I do those wonderful things working moms do (washing a billion bottles/pump parts, packing diapers, lugging back and forth the daycare necessities...and the commuting).  I'm burnt out- all my reserves are being used to go do my job, there's not enough left to be the mom I want to be.

I imagine I would get some feedback about focusing on the positives, or creating better self care- self care is a joke when you're a mom, at least compared to the freedom that existed before.  I do everything in my power to get good sleep (short of sending my son away- of course not an option), I exercise (how I have kept this Couch to 5K thing up and am in week 4 is beyond me)....

Last night when I came home I forgot to put the bottles of milk I pumped at work in the fridge- I remembered in the morning.  This is one incident in a long line of incidents that show I am not keeping up with everything on my plate.  So I sit here pumping on a Saturday hoping to make enough milk for Monday- the freezer stash wont last forever.

Something's gotta give...