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Conflicted

I hate being conflicted- sometimes I wish I could blindly follow my first instinct or urges or just go with whats easy...

iphone randoms

So with all the craziness going on (showing our house for renters *think we found a cute family today*, packing up boxes, researching for my private practice, trying to rehome one of our dogs, and all the regular stuff that we do) I do not have a real post to put up- so instead some pictures from the last 2 weeks.

Big Changes...

We are moving!  Going from homeowners to landlords and returning to renters will be a big adjustment- but it should all be worth it.  We are moving closer to my family, where I grew up, and I will be starting a private practice.  I said this year was going to be a year of big changes...

hello future home...can't wait to add our personal touches.

Mommy stressors

When does it get less embarrassing/stressful when your kid isn't exactly nice to other kids?  L is a sensitive little sweetie, but a lot of times his behaviors are aggressive with other babies and even older kids.  We went to D's friends housewarming and they have a daughter a little over a month older then L.  She was freaking adorable, and so polite, gentle, sweet.  Upon arriving L made sure she knew not to F with him- he took all the toys she was playing with, pushed her, tried to dismantle their fireplace gate, and eventually pushed her off a riding toy onto the ground.  She fell backwards and may have gotten a bump on the concrete.  I was super on him when we were there- like a hovering helicopter.  It felt stressful and annoying, but I didn't want him to injure their daughter or himself.  The moment I decided to step back and let them sort things out themselves- gotta learn some time right?  Thats when L knocks her over- she was crying- and I felt pretty mortified.

I need to stop comparing L to other kids- but it's hard not to notice such drastic differences (especially between girls who are- in general- more gentle and cautious).  But in other happenings around here- L is sleeping like a champ!!!!!

I think he is finally getting it.  Usually for day time naps we time an outing so that he can fall asleep in the car on the way home and then we transfer him to the crib (something we used to not be able to do).  Then for night time we walk or nurse him down- like we always have.  But then something amazing happens.  He will usually wake up once, maybe twice before 11pm (goes to sleep around 7:30pm).  He either goes back down easily or needs some boob and then goes right back down- and get this- HE SLEEPS ALL THE WAY TILL MORNING!!!  Usually he wakes up around 6am, but we will take it!  It's been so nice to get full chunks of sleep.  There has been a major decrease in testiness around our home that I'm sure has to do with us all finally getting some real sleep.

And have I mentioned he is a genius?  It's amazing to se him understanding archetypes- for example he knows what a moon is, so he can spot it no matter what (full moon, half moon, picture, real life, drawing, etc).  This applies to so many things.  D and I were playing with him the other night and he blew us away with naming things correctly.

Yoga.

D and I did hot yoga today (bikram).  This is something I was very into years ago.  It's yoga done in a heated room with high humidity.  I was impressed with how ok I felt doing it.  When I first began bikram I would have to sit down a lot, would feel nauseated, and basically wondered why anyone would subject themselves to such torture (ha reminds me of how running initially felt too- well if i was running underneath a heater).  But today, although my core felt very weak, I had more stamina and strength then I thought I would.  I guess any exercise keeps those things up.  But my core- oh how weak it felt.  I'm fairly flexible in some postures, and although I could have gone deeper into them, my core would not have held me up to do so.  But thats the point of doing this- to have a more well-rounded fitness regimen,  Running is great, but I was missing the focus, core building, and stretching that yoga provides.  Yoga is very mental- like running, but instead of getting out of my body like I do while running, I focus on being more mindful of my body.  So again it's a great compliment.  During this class my mind wavered a lot- I went through stages of believing I should come every day, to knowing this was a huge mistake and I should probably go home to take a nap.  Ultimately I left the class rejuvenated and energized.  I can't say the same for D- he was grumpy and burnt.  Even still, we are both looking forward to our next class.

And about that job interview- I cancelled it.  It was not the right fit.  But I do have a few applications out for jobs that would be great.  Although they are full time, they are near my family and would allow for less time in daycare.  And it would be really nice to get paid well for what I do...really nice.  This year is absolutely going to be a year of big changes.

Choices

I have been sending my resume around to a few positions- although the "perfect" position hasn't come up.  I have seen so many great ones but either it's not in an ideal location, or it's with a population I'm not too keen on, or it's not the right amount of hours, or the pay will be bad.  I got offered an interview for a job that screams perfect for me- if you ignore the location, the hours, and the possibility of shitty pay.  It's working with a population and a mission that I am very passionate about- psychotic disorders.  If D and I didn't have a child I would probably take this job in a heart beat and relocate to the city.  It would satisfy my emotional needs and I'm sure we could survive  on the income.  But now we have L and it's not just about my emotional needs.  So instead of blindly taking the interview I have inquired further to see if this is even worth going to- why waste my time and there's if I wouldn't take the job.  And no, the "practice" of the interview would not be worth the hassle of getting there.  So we will see what they say.  I am constantly reminding myself that I  do not need to jump at the first job offer.  I don't need to get a job this moment- we are doing fine.  Plus the job has to be worth the expense (daycare cost, travel time, emotional cost of seeing less of D and L).

L has been a little charmer, talking up a storm- oh and somewhere in the holiday chaos he turned 16 months.  This kid just wont stop growing and he is finally getting some hair.  He is sleeping better when he isn't congested/sick.  I have also been decreasing dairy in my diet and his, which is helping.  Maybe it's something I should have never stopped- honestly I felt better when I wasn't consuming dairy.  Here are a few random photos from the past week: A candle made from a mandarin and olive oil, instructions are here.   L splashing at the Bay Discovery Museum- I LOVE that place.  Our pup taking a "princess nap".

 

Three Christmas

Whew!  The holidays are over and it's nice to get back to our routine.  We had a wonderful xmas (actually three of them) with so many gifts and a lot of family time.  The biggest hits on my list would be the amazing quilt from my mother in law (which I had seen hanging up in her quilting room before the holidays and admired but had no idea it was for me!). And my crock pot which has been used for the last 5 consecutive days. Oh and my boots- how I LOVE these boots- they are perfection.

L was literally showered with gifts- so many that we decided to keep some in the closet to open for playing at another time.  I also need to donate, throw out, store away some of his older toys that have either fallen apart or he doesn't play with any more.  Having a baby really increases the amount of "stuff" you accumulate.  There is always a more minimal approach to things- but as much as I want to be that  mom with one sippy cup, one little car, and a few wooden classic toys- I am not.  I think part of the excess has to do with L being high needs.  We are constantly changing out products because they just do not work with our little guy- for example swaddling.  It's supposed to work for all babies right? NOT- we tried so many blankets, woombi, wraps, etc- he hated all of them and eventually we realized we wont be getting any use out of them.  Pacifiers- another product we tried so many of and none of them took.  Oh and the constant changing of car seat toys.  L fights us hard when it's time to get in the car seat.  Right now stickers are working really well.

We let him pick a sticker to add to the mirror during a tantrum, and while he admires it and waves/says hi to it (it's ridiculously sweet), we buckle him in.  Stickers have been life savers, but like the previous "lifesavers" (a bubble blowing wand, mum mum snacks, books, keys, our phones)  we know that he will eventually evolve and become immune to stickers as well.