Thursday, August 2, 2012

It's been a while...

I am really slacking on updating this blog, but thats to be expected.  It's much faster paced where we live now, I'm working, L is a handful, and who has time for blogging...

The last few weeks haven't been great.  I found out I was pregnant and then I found out I wasn't any more, all in a matter 4 days.  It was a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage.  Something I have never experienced before but always heard a about.  We were really excited when we found out I was pregnant, even though a huge part of me didn't believe it or trust it.  But the next day I felt pregnant and began to get a little more excited.  Even still, I kept testing to see if the test line would appear darker- this is something I didn't do with L, and I just knew I was going ot have a baby when I found out with L- this time I didn't.  The test line started to get lighter, and within a couple days was so light that I knew.  I went back and forth with tricking myself into thinking it was only a few days and my hcg levels could still be really low...but I also knew.  And then I got my period.  I'm grateful this happened early and my body handled it the way it should.  I currently have a client who experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks, very far along and needing medical assistance.  I have to say I was devastated for a few days, but I am ultimately ok.  Obviously hearing about people being pregnant with the same due date I would have had hurts a little, but I don't view this loss as the loss of a baby or child.  I'm sure there are others who read this blog and may feel differently, but I lost some obviously damaged cells- early miscarriages are usually due to non viable eggs/sperm with chromosome abnormalities.

My only concern was that breastfeeding somehow contributed to the miscarriage.  The night after getting a darker positive test and feeling very pregnant, I nursed L.  It was incredibly painful, I was cramping, and feeling very uncomfortable, light headed, almost like mild labor.  So uncomfortable that I had to stop nursing.  The next day my symptoms faded- as did the test result.  I haven't nursed L since, but he also hasn't really asked.

L is getting so much more independent.  We decided to get a family membership to the YMCA- it's close, they have a pool, FREE childcare, lots of free family stuff, and it's affordable!  I was a little worried the first time we took L to their childcare that he would freak out.  My previous experiences of daycare, or just walking away from him to use the bathroom have turned into crying spells.  But he has gone twice and not cried at all!  He calls the place "special grandmas house" because we were told during our tour that during the morning hours the workers are grandmas.  It feels like he is ready to start preschool, and even a little daycare if I need to relieve my mom from always watching him while I work.

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