Dream House

L got a wonderful surprise today- D and my mom spotted a play house in front of a neighbors home.  They check it out, see the adorable note dictated by Gracie, typed by a parent with an original artist rendition by gracie of the play house (I really should post a picture of it- it's that adorable).  The note read: "You can have my house for free.  I (Gracie age 7) am too big for it now."

It was in excellent condition and not that annoying faded primary colored plastic you often find in used kids outdoor stuff.  So they walked it back to our house.  This is a playhouse that would have cost over $300 new (but this exact model doesn't seem to be available any more).  We would have never purchased it new or any where close to that price, but we are so happy to have gotten it....and for free.  L is pretty happy about it too.

1st Hair Cut

Done by me...

 

21 months

L is 21 months today- Last night marked the first night he fell asleep in a bed.  Ok, so it was our bed not his, and Kiki's Delivery Service was playing on the TV (go ahead judge me;)- but it's a start.  The plan is to gradually get him used to falling asleep in a bed, then remove the stimulations/distractions as he gets more used to it.  Then move him into his own bed and fall asleep without us.  Progress....

Here is L enjoying his yogurt for breakfast while being his big 21 month old self.

It is what it is....

Today I am sleep deprived- L really doesn't like going to sleep with me any more.  We still walk him down or nurse him down and lately the nursing isn't working very well and the walking only works if it's someone besides me!  So from 3am till 6:30am L and I were in a battle.  I tried walking him down and he was practically asleep and then just picks his head up and starts chatting away wide awake...nursing provided the same result, threats of sleeping alone in his room made him pretend to sleep for 1 minute then wake up again.

Finally out of sheer exhaustion I said he was going to bed and placed him in his bed, walked out of his room, and shut the door.  I wasn't even 2 feet away from his door when I heard his thumping run and then him smashing into the door screaming "mama!".  I didn't go in right away, but then it sounded like he was banging his head so I went in.  Finally after doing this dance for 3 and half hours, L fell asleep nursing.

I despise nights alone with L- if D is home and L wakes up, D brings him to the bed and L nurses for a bit.  Sometimes we all fall back asleep and cosleep for the night.  Usually however, I can't sleep while nursing so I stay awake till L has had both breasts and seems just about back to sleep.  Then I ask D to move him to his bed.  Sometimes D has to walk for a few minutes-  yes a few minutes.  If I were to pick L up to transfer him back to the bed he would wake up- I have tried and it happens every time so we just stopped.

I feel like screaming WTF!  How did L turn out like this!!?!  Not many other kids are this difficult to put to sleep and keep asleep at this age- or maybe they are but it definitely isn't the norm.  I'm sure D and I could have cried it out with L when he was younger, but I still stand by our decision not to.  Today my mom watched L so I could rest stress about my work alone.  She got him to fall asleep in her bed- she said it took 45 min.  She is coming over to tell me how it was done.  I suspect it included numerous redirecting back in the bed, music, iphone games, and tv.  We will see and try it here tonight.  But it definitely means L needs a real bed so we can lay with him till he falls asleep.  And then there's always the wondering if he will fall asleep for everyone but me.

L has been increasingly sensitive to my tone of voice and mood- if I even pretend to be upset he gets upset.  So I just say "mommy's ok" to reassure him.  Well during lasts nights madness my tone was not sweet and patient, but was stern and pretty pissed.  L kept saying "mommy ok" in the sweetest little voice ever....it melted my heart.

In good news- we found a wonderful preschool thanks to the recommendation of our neighbor.  It's parent participation, but nothing too demanding.  My practice is picking up but it is also a constant source fo stress- marketing is draining, I worry about money, I worry about how good of a therapist I am- it's been hard returning to this work after such a long time mainly just chatting with babies/toddlers/dogs.  This weekend my in laws begin the move out of their home of over 30 years- D was born and raised in one house...he is handling it rather well.

I really want/need a little vacation- away from technology that connects to me to my work, where I can sleep uninterrupted, spend relaxing time with my husband.....probably not in the budget for a while.

Hitting and the word "NO"

Today started off great- L was in a good mood, he asked me to put on Jillian Michaels (this kid is so supportive of my exercising)- and he ate well, showered well, and we were off to Little Gym.

When we got there it was a different story- he started looking at other kids and saying "No" and going to hit them.  When we were in the beginning circle and trying to "share" a bean bag L was the only one who refused to hand it off and the whole time tantrumed to get it back.  This continued to the point of me being so embarrassed and frustrated that I took him out to the waiting area to see if he was hungry.  he said he wanted a banana but refused to eat it and kept picking up chairs claiming they were "broken"- they weren't.  Finally I decided lets just leave.

I hate this feeling- like my kid is the only one who hits and frowns at other kids while saying "NO". Or at least he is the only kid in that class/playdate/visit.  I have no clue how best to redirect/correct this behavior.  I do know that he was tired today at Little Gym and I have seen him being hungry trigger this.

I think D and I intervene appropriately- at least everything I have read is exactly what we do...except L probably sees a lot of redirecting our dog which isn't great.  Obviously we don't hit our dog, but we do say "no" to her a lot, or "off".  And we do for lack of better words- tap/push her to redirect if she is jumping on someone or about to grab food.  Obviously not hard, but in the way that you learn at dog training classes.  I might have to get creative with how to redirect our dog.

Also- L never hit till he was with his uncle (who is 5 months older).  His uncle hit him several times and L was very upset.  He also was picked on by a boy in our old moms group.  After those incidents I noticed that instead of welcoming peers to be close to him, he started frowning and lashing out.  It was almost as if he no longer trusted other kids and needed to protect himself.

Now if only I could let go and believe this is normal toddler behavior so I didn't feel like a horrible mom...