The face of little gym

L started little gym three weeks ago- he adores it.  Last week was a bit of a dud due to a little boy- obviously on the older end of the age allowance for L's class- picked on L three different times.  Twice L cried.  The first time he blew the other kid off, the second time he cried a bit since his ball was snatched from his hands, and the third time he cried because the kid knock into him super hard causing him to fall over and then took L's balls.  This caused me to mutter to D, "that kid's an asshole".  Another mom overheard and since then we seemed to have hit it off, so I am assuming she felt the same way.  This older boy didn't only pick on L either- he made three different kids cry during the bubble play time.  After the class D looks at L and says, "is he getting a black eye?"  I couldn't believe that it would form that quickly- but sure enough, the older kid had smacked into L's head hard enough to cause a mild black eye.

Now you may have noticed something missing from the story above- no mention of the older boy's mom. Well his mom doesn't come to the gym, but his grandmother does- and the whole time she didn't see a single thing, and never once redirected her grandson because she basically wasn't watching him- chatting it up with another mom.  The teacher had to step in and "play" with the older boy to keep him occupied so the littler ones could play safely.

I went there this week ready to confront the grandmother if she was that checked out again- but I was pleased to find that he was now in the older kids class before L's.  It made sense- he was obviously too "advanced", "big", whatever you want to call it for the little kids- and I bet if he tried to steal balls from kids his own age they would have a different reaction then crying.

So here is L- with his little gym face he made for daddy who wasn't able to come to this one due to work.

Bad Associations

In our home D is the night time parent- well I still do the nursing at night (usually just once...usually) but he puts L down however many times needed.  But D isn't always here or his schedule is such that he can't be on night time duty.  And thats a problem.  D has become the go to parent in the evening because L does better with him- maybe it's the lack of boob or the calm of daddy- but L will fall asleep much faster with D.  Initially L freaks out when he realizes it's time for bed and momma is doing a warm hand off.  It's actually pretty hilarious/predictable to see happy go lucky L instantly flip into angry L when dada walks in the room wearing the boba.  But very quickly he settles and goes to sleep.

Now D is gone some nights or works very late- and I am on duty.  I really dislike those nights.  Ever since we moved L has had an even harder time going to sleep for me.  We nurse, we walk, we rock, we talk- sometimes it feels as though nothing works.  The other night after several wakings and a 2 hr attempt at getting him back down I put L in his crib.  And the sam,e thing happened that always does- L screamed, and cried, and begged for mama.  I was exhausted and even with hearing his distress was more relaxed laying in my own bed...but only for about 20 minutes.  The crying didn't stop and L was very upset.  So I scooped him up and brought him into my bed.  L nursed his frustrations away but I was sore and done with being a human pacifier so I popped him off.  He started to protest and I said- "do you want to go in the crib?"  He shook his head and said "no".  So I replied, "then go to sleep".   I rolled over and HE WENT TO SLEEP!  This may sound like no biggie- but this is a child who has never (except when ill with a fever) gone to sleep in a bed while not nursing.

Ok so this is great news and I'm a horrible parent- the great news is he self soothed enough to get to sleep and he understood the concept of crib or sleep.  But the horrible part is now the crib is a bad associations, it's a punishment, or a consequence of not going to sleep.  And the worse part is I have used it again to get him to fall asleep (didn't work as well the second time).  I think when the time come we will have to do a real bed (not use his crib in toddler bed mode) to get him to sleep in his room...

Dirty Little Secret

We haven't been cloth diapering since we moved!  Initially it was due to the chaos, not having our washer and dryer hooked up, etc- but since getting settled we have tried to return to the cloth and L gets a horrendous rash after the first diaper.  I have stripped them, sanitized them, tried different soaps- nothing seems to be helping.  We made the decision to put away the cloth and use disposables till the underwear begins.  It's frustrating since one of the many benefits of cloth is the supporting in potty training.  But I have to say I am loving the convenience of disposables- they can hold more pee, L hasn't had a single rash with them, and no washing.  L was in cloth for 15 months of his life and it was especially trying while he was in daycare.  I'm glad we were able to do it and maybe with our next one we will try it again.  

(image via goodmama diapers)

Ouch!

Sinus pressure/allergies are getting to me today- oh and L decided to bite down super hard on my toe.  But in his defense it was my toe underneath a blanket- so maybe he just thought he was biting the blanket.  But wow- it freaken hurt (I restrained kicking him away with my foot because thats what the pain wanted me to do)!  He managed to bite right where the cuticle is- awesome aim this kid!

We went to a little gym today and L adored it.  We thought he would be shy but instead he was super outgoing and playful.  His favorite thing was hanging and swinging from the bars.  We signed him up for 3 months, 1 time a week.  We have actually done a lot of family/toddler things locally since D has had a few days off.  The break from getting settled into our house has been much needed.  We hit up the local discovery museum (I used to go when I was little) and L was drawn to the ambulance- which he calls "abby" and the water exhibit.

L was the ONLY kid completely drenched!  But he was so happy, and we were prepared with an extra set of clothes so we let him have his fun.  When had to break him away and that was traumatic- lots of tantrums.  Then we headed up to their under 4 play rooms.  L loved this too- so we got a membership (yes there is a theme- toddler related memberships).

Buying these memberships means much more- they represent that this is where we live- we have finally relocated to the area we plan on staying in.  Maybe the houses will change, and the neighborhood will be slightly different- but this is home.  I always struggled with that in our last home- I knew it wasn't a forever home and I resisted setting down roots (or buying memberships) in case we figured out a way to move here.  So maybe I'm going to go a little crazy planting seeds, creating roots- growing into this new/old area.

My practice is slowly becoming a reality- I think we decided that March 15th I will start subleasing the office. I printed up a few business cards (without an address in case this doesn't go through- I'm a realist) so I can network and market a bit.  Tomorrow I have a training on maternal mental health which I am so excited for.  After having L I felt so connected and interested in women/mother issues- more so then before- because it was always an interest.  I even fantasized about changing careers and being a midwife or lactation consultant- something more "maternal".  But I don't need to change careers- I'm in the perfect profession for supporting women.  I'm even brainstorming taking my practice to the homes of newly post-partum moms in need of psychotherapy.  Asking someone to come to my office while struggling with mental health or just adjustment to such an earth shattering change and so early after birth with a newborn seems like a huge barrier.  We will see- I have my wheels turning...

I think for a while my posts are going to me this weird mesh of things- L, family, decorating/renovating, starting my business, and just plain old happenings....but probably all jumbled into one post.  Maybe I need this blog to be like a journal- a place to gather my fragmented thoughts...

Here's a sweet sleeping pic of L that D took since L slept till 8am (so nice of him)...

Alone

Wow- this is one of the first mornings I have been awake without L.  D left for work a few hours ago and the dog started scratching in her crate to go out/have breakfast.  Usually if this occurred I would head back to sleep or at least try to.  But this morning I felt less exhausted, grabbed some coffee (already brewed thanks to our new automatic coffee machine), and decided to use this as some alone time.  Maybe it's the working out thats improving my energy- and L is sleeping in just a bit longer since we started putting him to bed later.  This kid would wake up at 5:00!  Not cool- something about not even having a few minutes to myself in the morning was wearing on me...especially since I am NOT a morning person.

March 1st is my January 1st

So today is my new beginning- I decided sometime in January, after I seeing the crazy path ahead, that starting March 1st everything would begin coming together and I would get on track with positivity and self care.  So...

Today I began running again- I had only ran a handful of times in the last few months and it was really effecting me.  I was sluggish, tired, unmotivated, just felt overall unhealthy.  I will also do some strength training again since it's helpful with reducing running injuries.

And I am happy to report we are fully moved in (obviously not everything is in it's permanent place, but we are feeling comfortable here), we have also signed the lease and our tenants are moving in to our old place.  Our pup is in his new home (though it might not be his permanent home), and my private practice is about to start.

I pretty much have an office, opened my business account, got a phone number, and have everything else ready to go once I get the confirmation that the office is mine.  I am so excited to be starting my own business- but I have a glimpse of all the work owning a business can bring.  All the little things that just came with being employed by someone else are now my responsibility- all my own paperwork, website, administrative stuff, furniture, insurance, marketing, billing, schedule...yeah and thats before actually doing the work- seeing clients.